More topics and notes from Open Space breakout groups

During the Jan. 9-11 Open Space event, participants were invited to suggest topics for discussion.These topics form the basis of the conversation during the time together. Below find a few more of the topics and notes from the discussions.

What is the gift of 2SLGBTQ + people in the church at this time?

A chance to reframe the conversation away from thinking about something as an “issue” and more about people.

• A focus on lived experience and appreciate the reality of relationship and experience.
• They are a unique voice to speak to the church; we have something to say and offer to the church as people who have been on the margins.
• The gift of being a parent of a gay child .
• The gift of courage; it takes so much courage to be in certain places and to bring their full selves to the table. When that courage exists in the church, it spills over into other things. When people don’t have the courage to be authentic and who they are with integrity, we lose.
• The gift of awareness.
• The gift of community to community.
• Gift of gay marriage as saving the ritual of marriage for heterosexual marriage as well.
• The gift of other parents of queer children who are also in leadership has been significant.
• The gift of opening up hard conversations.
• The courage to walk in the mystery… “I don’t know what I think about this theologically but I know this person needs a pastor.” Let there be space for there to be pastoral care first and foremost – we can work out the theological challenges later.

What are unique ways that parents can promote the affirming journey?

• We have an opportunity to speak from a personal perspective.
• We have stories to share from our kids and their friends. We bring reality to this question.
• We can be safe places for other kids (e.g. our kids friends, students)
• We can help other parents who have kids who come out. We can share resources and stories. 
• We can be safe for other parents to share their fears and joys. We can help others realize they are not alone.
• We can lead study groups and support groups for parents and other interested people.
• If we have history in a congregation, we are respected so are not suspect theologically.
• We are better able to accept the shock of different orientation and gender identities.
• We know there is not a quick fix.
• We have perseverance and are invested. We will stay at the table and live with the discomfort.
• We have natural contacts in our work, churches, and schools.
• We can represent our children if there is a human rights or-bullying challenge.
• We have been chosen by God to be his hands of love.

Is the Mennonite Brethren response to LGBTQ+ driven more by fear than theology?

• Yes, fear is a major factor in the environment of this discussion.
• Fear resulting from the paradigm shift that accommodating an emerging inclusion theology. 
• Fear of changing one’s mind
• Fear of even this Open Space event taking place; a source of anxiety for conference leadership.
• Fear of over what will happen to the denomination (e.g. churches leaving)

What exacerbates fear? 

• Secrecy
• Lack of information
• Isolation
• Theological beliefs
• Fear-based leadership structures

What mitigates fear?

• Healthy relationships
• Knowledge I.e. the science of sexuality and diversity
• Healthy communication
• Healthy long term relationships 
• Healthy theology

It was noted there is fear is on both sides. For those in favour of LGBTQ+ inclusion and welcome, there is fear of loss of employment or inclusion in the church community

How to include LGBTQ+ voices

• Listen to their stories first before including them, hold space e.g. A Time to Listen
• They might be impatient with our agonizing
• Watch our language; this is not an “issue.” It’s about people.
• Invite them into safe spaces (e.g. A Time to Listen)
• Build relationships
• Go to their spaces, not always expect them to come into ours (e.g. flag-raising, Pride parades)
• Send signals (e.gh. gender neutral washrooms, rainbow signs)
• Don’t expect them to always tell their stories; it can be hard for them to be discussed repeatedly, the fatigue of educating others
• Ask what they want to talk about

Where will future Mennonite Brethren leaders come from?

• Many in the younger generation have given up on the Mennonite Brethren world because of where the conversation is at around inclusion.
• Do we care that we are losing the next generation? What are their voices saying?
• There seems to be two demographics that are happy to move forward: our older leaders (why are we not gathering together the older generation and learning from their collective wisdom?), and our next generation (under 35 leaders)
• Our hope is that our youth remain within the Christian faith, not necessarily within the conference.
• Said a younger person: We are not necessarily looking for an affirming space, but for a space that can actually dialogue. We’re more afraid of a family that can’t talk or won’t dialogue then anything.
• There’s a passion to do stuff, but there isn’t a sense that the church is the vehicle to do that stuff anymore.
• Feeling invested in. (Notice that for many of us it wasn’t the ministry involvement we had, but the opportunities we were given to have a seat at the table, regardless of whether or not we had earned it, and then to have our voices validated).

Defining the terms of the discussion

How to manage the polarities of the Traditional versus Open positions? We need to find ways to bridge the gap.

• Important to understand what we are disagreeing on
• Starting points are important. Don’t start with “Where do you stand on gay marriage?” A better place to start is “how can we relate to/include gay people?”
• People hear the word “inclusion” differently. Inclusion for the conference means treating gay Christians like anyone else. For us, it means having no caveats when they come into the door. We don’t say “here’s where you can’t go.” 
• Can we have a good faith conversation with conference leaders? With traditional pastors and church boards? It requires trust on both sides; maybe lots of one-on-one conversations to build trust. 
• Instead of us making a case to include, we should ask the conference to make the case for excluding. 
• Use “defusing” language 
• Help people acknowledge the “win-lose” dynamic at work and “drop it” for the next 15-30 minutes so that possible fruitful dialogue can take place.
• Watch that this Open Space group doesn’t take on a “us versus them” mentality. Keep a gentle perspective and speak respectfully.

Measuring Success 

Metrics for assessing progress toward inclusion include:

•  
• Harm challenged, an apology
• Evidence of welcome and openness: signage, clarity on website
• Knowledge of community makeup – awareness of LGBTQ presence
• Inclusive language of worship – sensitivity to patriarchal and colonizing language e.g. Mennonite Church hymnbook
• Gender neutral bathrooms
• Interest in justice – broader than just LGBTQ, acknowledging current injustices
• Covenant about how to talk about inclusion and LGBTQ people before engaging in the conversation
• Education/sensitivity training
• Perpetual stance of being a learner – freedom to ask questions
• Public support of elimination of conversion therapy or counseling
• Information about the church’s philosophy of counseling
• Knowledge of community resources and services
• Avoid offensive humour and embrace mutually positive humour
• Asking honouring questions
• Treat with respect while honouring differences
• Pursue community around a common purpose
• Give space by not asking intrusive questions of LGBTQ people which we wouldn’t ask of straight people

Affiliation with the Mennonite Brethren Conference

• Churches across the country are wondering if they should leave the Mennonite Brethren Conference. Some are considering Mennonite Church Canada, which permits churches to be inclusive and affirming of LGBTQ+ people.
• The question wa asked if there is a way for churches to stay in communication with each other during this time, perhaps take action together.
• It was suggested that churches should be very careful about ‘giving up on the MB conference.’ We have a voice and a need to exercise it. 

Time for a moratorium on suspending churches that explore LGBTQ+ inclusion?

• The idea of a moratorium would be to delay the process, give time for more conversation.
• The Borderland Proposal from River East Church was mentioned. It was submitted to the conference about half a year ago.  No official response yet.
• Can we think about sending a delegation to the CCMBC rather than simply sending in a report?  The idea would be for conversation. 
• To get change, there is the carrot and the stick. What is the stick? What is the carrot?
• Idea:  to have Open Space conversations in provinces across this country.
• Language has changed in B.C. from community hermeneutic to apostolic leadership.  Language changes first and then actions.
• It was suggested a proposal on a moratorium has no chance in some parts of the country. 
• Hope is that all churches that are removed from the conferences stay in touch with each other until they are allowed back. But more, that these churches ‘stay’ in the conference even if they are removed from it. That is, people could remain connected with the shared beliefs (almost all of them), shared relationships and shared ministries. 

Action items

• Very interested in green light, red light items on what it means to be MB and what it does not mean
• Share among us on how a church exploring the topic of Open Spaces can remain effectively within the conference
• Churches that are affirming are growing; narrative could be helpful; one tool that could be pulled out
• Where are all the smart, young people?  Where are the next pastors going to come from? 
• Ontario Feb, Manitoba March, the conventions are an opportunity to speak to the borderland proposals
• A delegation from this event to the CCMBC leadership
• With whatever happens, how do we retain connections with each other and, at the same time, we refuse to leave. 
• Trust is broken on both sides. Can’t let go of hope to remain in the family. At the same time, perhaps we hold on to the idea of family too strongly. 
• Similarly, there is a script and video and Conrad’s report for those who are really interested in perceptions of MWC membership.

How do we equip parents for age-appropriate healthy conversations with their children?

• Teachings through Safe place policy
• Supporting kids when there is bullying
• Sending messages that kids are allowed to be who they are, especially those who may feel different
• Posture Shift resources may be helpful
• Parents may be in different places with their belief systems/values
• Have sex positive talks to have with kids.

How do we network between the various Anabaptist networks?

• There is a growing number of churches that are being asked to leave the Mennonite Brethren family. It can often be a lonely journey. Is there a way for these churches to network?
• We used to focus on shared mission, shared relationships, and shared convictions.
• Today it feels as though the shared conviction piece is that seems to be of concern for our conference leadership.
• In some family network they are both a family and a business operation. They find ways to separate those to and co-exist. It is possible for a church to no longer be part of ‘the business’, but continue to be part of this family...
• Could we behave like a denomination as we do as churches? In churches we no longer excommunicate people. There is a lot of forbearance in the local family and the local church. Why is there only an in or out option within the denomination?
• Can we separate belonging from total confessional alignment?
• What are the needs for leaders in these moments of transition? Is it different than those of the people who make up these churches? Should more emphasis go to supporting the leaders?
• Is the future going to be more regional partnering rather than national or even international identity?
• Should we start a new network of anabaptist churches? There seems to be little appetite for that. Rather there is a lot of hope to stay at the table – what might things be like in the MB family in 5-10 years?
• Minimally is there a way to share our journeys?

How to Engage People in Pews

• Shoulder tap young leaders who are here: invite them to create a meeting of MB young adult church members to orient them to the issue and inspire and equip them to volunteer to be delegates for their congregations.
• Identify respected influencers in congregations and call them to prepare to speak to a motion to table the conversation (congregation’s haven’t had enough time to process the subject).
• Engage conference leadership regarding how much opportunity there will be for the churches under the microscope to share their story at convention. (Conference leadership tends to react to challenges without having prepared for potentialities. If we help prepare them in advance for the questions we want to pose/the issues we want to raise, it will be for the good of all.)
• Prepare a brief summary to distribute via that concisely makes a case for how one can offer inclusion to 2SLGBTQ+ while still being true to Scripture. (Perhaps everyone at this event could dig up the open letter list and contact the signees they know who weren’t here and provide them with an update and point to new resources.)
• We need to keep sharing stories