Time to Tell Five Years Later: It all begins with John Unger

 

2026 is the 5th anniversary of when over 450 Canadian MBs from over 40 churches signed an open letter asking the Canadian Conference of MB Churches to discuss the issue of LGBTQ+ welcome and affirmation. The Conference said no. Since that time, seven MB congregations have left or been expelled from the Conference for becoming welcoming and affirming of LGBTQ+ people—as reported by this blog. I paused the blog in 2024, after my church at the time, River East, was expelled. Five years later, I decided to check in with those congregations to hear their reflections and see how things are going. 

It really all begins with John Unger in 2013. 

Other MBs may have spoken privately about LGBTQ+ before that year, but it was John—a retired MB pastor—who was the first to go public at a national MB study conference when he shared the story of his family with an LGBTQ+ child. 

At the conference, which affirmed and upheld the MB Conference’s stance on marriage as being only between a man and a woman, John said the tone of any discussion about homosexuality changes when “the response is to a person, not an issue.” 

He went on to share about the phone call he received from his daughter when she asked him to bless her and her same-gender partner at their wedding. 

“She said, I don't want you to say a bunch of words that mean nothing, Dad,” he recalled. “I need your blessing.” 

He did it, describing the blessing as being like a shade tree, a place of gathering and belonging. At the same time, he saw his family also as a shade tree for his daughter and others who feel exposed to the harsh sun of judgement for being LGBTQ+. 

“Jesus said God blesses everyone with sun and with rain, and wants us to do the same,” he said at the conference, adding he has learned to respect the different ways God works in people’s lives. 

Despite the call from John and others at the conference to open up conversation about LGBTQ+, the MB Conference held firm in its belief about marriage as outlined in the Confession of Faith—despite some at the event noting the Confession has been changed before, such as with divorce. 

After sharing his story, John and his partner, Merrill, were approached by members of the MB church across the country who wanted to tell their heartbreaking stories of families divided because someone came out as LGBTQ+, of LGBTQ+ people being rejected by their churches, and fear, depression, suicide. 

They also heard from the parents and grandparents of LGBTQ+ children and grandchildren, and from pastors who were struggling to find ways to respond. 

Stories that were, John said, “largely unheard, silenced by secrecy and fear.” 

Eight years later, John was a member of a small group of current and former MB pastors and other leaders, called The Edge, who met for conversation and support about the topic of LGBTQ+. 

In 2021, when the BC MB Conference decided to expel Artisan Church (Artisan left before that could happen), the group issued an open letter to the MB Conference requesting a national discussion about the topic. John put his name at the bottom of the letter. 

Through the letter, John secured a meeting with the National Faith and Life Team (NFLT), later sharing his remarks to them in an article in Anabaptist World. 

In his remarks to the NFLT, John said that ever since he shared his family’s story, people had been coming up to him and his wife, Merrill, to share their own stories. 

“Many came to us in secret for fear of what will happen if people in their church discover their child is gay, because they know they will lose all their church friends if they do,” he said. 

“These are your churches,” he told Conference leaders. “Why are people afraid to come to us and tell us what they are struggling with?” 

Stories like that was why the open letter was written, he said, to create a safe place for a family discussion. 

“There is a hunger for such a conversation. It will take time, maybe years. But we need to start,” he told them. 

The MB Conference, though the NFLT, said no.  

The MB Conference did, however, say it wanted to listen well. That led John and others to start A Time to Listen, an online forum where LGBTQ+ MBs and their families and allies could tell their stories. It ran until 2023. 

Since that time, John has kept involved in the topic, mostly from a more background role—although he did help organize the first Open Space event in Winnipeg in 2023. 

I caught up with John recently to ask for his reflections on that time. He acknowledged that the tide hasn’t turned with respect to LGBTQ+ and the MB Conference. In fact, it has perhaps stiffened opposition to the call for greater conversation about welcome and affirmation of LGBTQ+ people. 

But he has no regrets about his efforts to start a conversation. “I’m not sorry I did it,” he says. 

As a result of his going public about his family, and the creation of A Time to Listen, “a lot of stories have been told,” he says, adding while the MB Conference is closed to the topic, many individual MBs continue to seek him out to talk about it. 

“Pastors and others often approach me about it,” John says, adding that many of the requests to meet are done in private since pastors and other leaders feel they are “under surveillance” and can’t speak openly to him about it. 

Reflecting on these past years, John said: “I have seen what God is doing among the LGBTQ+ community, and the gifts they bring to the church.  I can no longer be a gatekeeper for the Kingdom.  I want to hold the door open, welcoming those whom the Spirit is drawing to Jesus. "Welcome!  We have a place for you!"

Timeline for LGBTQ+ in the Canadian Mennonite Brethren Conference

When Marnie Klassen, creator of The Schism Between Us, offered to share her timeline about LGBTQ+ in the Canadian MB Conference with me, I jumped at the chance to use it on the blog. Together, we stitched it together to come up with what we think is a pretty accurate tally of the major points along the way from 2021-24, with a stop in 2013 and a few stops along the way after that. If we missed something, please let us know! 

October, 2013. John Unger tells part of his family story (including having an LGBTQ+ child) at the CCMBC national study conference titled “Honoring God with the Body: A Study on Human Sexuality.” Read more here from the Christian Leader and from A Time to Listen. 

January, 2021. Artisan Church in Vancouver publishes their Milestone Statement on LGBTQ+ inclusion. 

March, 2021. Artisan Church withdraws from the British Columbia MB conference (BCMB) before the provincial conference can release it. It’s pastor, Nelson Boschman, surrenders his license as a BCMB pastor. 

March, 2021. In response to the Artisan decision, an open letter is released calling on the Canadian MB Conference to hold a national conversation about LGBTQ+. It was ultimately signed by over 400 people. The Conference said no, but it said it was open to hearing from members about the topic. 

March, 2021. River East Church in Winnipeg adopts an LGBTQ+ welcome and inclusion statement, prompting discussions with the Manitoba MB Conference. 

May, 2021. The MB Biblical Seminary releases the results of a survey of Canadian MB churches that found that 88 percent of churches say they want help navigating the complexities of ministering to LGBTQ community. 

June 2021. Since the Conference said it was open to listening to members about LGBTQ+, A Time to Listen was created to hear the stories of LGBTQ+ people and their family and friends. 

March, 2022. – A Time to Tell blog is started by River East Church member and Winnipeg Free Press faith reporter John Longhurst, who also writes for Anabaptist World. Since the MB Herald, the official publication of the Canadian MB Conference, was not reporting about LGBTQ+, the blog was created as a way to help people stay abreast of developments. 

March, 2022. Three pastors at Cedar Park MB Church in B.C. resign after the BCMB requires all its clergy to reaffirm the Confession of Faith, with a special focus on articles dealing with sexuality and marriage. The church was ultimately shut down by the BCMB and re-opened with a new name and leaders. Read more here about that situation and process, which led to the creation of a new independent LGBTQ+ affirming congregation called Estuary. For former Cedar Park pastor Lee Kosa’s reflections on that experience, click here. 

June, 2022. On Holy Ground: Stories By and About Women in Ministry Leadership in the Mennonite Brethren Church, is published by the Mennonite Brethren Historical Commission. Written to record the lived experiences of MB women in leadership, the executive boards of the American and Canadian MB conferences demand the first printing be destroyed when they discover it contains three pages by River East pastor Mary Anne Isaak about her experiences with LGBTQ+ people in churches she served. It is reprinted without those three pages. After that decision, there is a peaceful protest outside the CCMBC office in Winnipeg. Mary Anne is interviewed about it on CBC radio. And the missing three pages are published on the Time to Tell blog. 

July, 2022. The Canadian and U.S. MB conference executive boards release an official statement regarding their decision about Isaak’s three pages in On Holy Ground. 

September, 2022. Ed Willms is ousted as executive director the Ontario MB conference for holding discussions about LGBTQ+ welcome and inclusion. 

October, 2022. Jubilee Mennonite Church, which belongs jointly to Mennonite Church Manitoba (MCM) and Mennonite Brethren Church of Manitoba (MBCM), is suspended by MBCM. 

November, 2022. The Ontario MB Conference suspends Southridge and FreeChurch over their decision to welcome and include LGBTQ+ people.

November, 2022. 79 current and former members of the Waterloo, Ont. Mennonite Brethren Church call on that church’s leadership to create safe space to talk about LGBTQ+. 

January, 2023. The first Open Space is held in Winnipeg, organized by retired Mennonite Brethren pastors and conference leaders David Wiebe, John Unger, James Toews, and Danny Unrau. It is held at the Canadian Museum for Human Rights. 

February, 2023. Southridge Community Church and FreeChurch Toronto are formally removed from ONMB.   

February, 2023. River East Church proposes a new process for Mennonite Brethren churches in Manitoba living on the "borderland" of the Confession of Faith when it comes to LGBTQ+. 

March, 2023. Jubilee Mennonite Church is formally removed from MBCM. Jubilee retains their relationship with MC Manitoba. 

March, 2023. River East Church is suspended by Mennonite Brethren Church of Manitoba. That same month, the Church shares its journey towards inclusivity. 

November, 2023. River East Church holds an online and in-person public meeting to tell its story of inclusion. 

January, 2024. River East Church is formally removed from MBCM. It later joins MC Manitoba. 

January, 2025. FaithWorks voluntarily withdraws membership from MBCM. It joins MC Manitoba. 

October, 2025. The second Open Space event is held in Ontario. 

November, 2025. The third Open Space event is held in B.C.

Spring, 2026. Lendrum Church in Edmonton leaves the Alberta MB Conference.

October, 2026. The fourth Open Space event is held in Manitoba.

Addendum: The purpose of this blog is to cover the more recent discussion about LGBTQ+ and the Canadian MB Conference (2021-24). But it would be wrong not to mention the Calgary Inter-Mennonite Church and the pioneering role it played. 

That congregation began in 1976 as a member of the Canadian Conference of MB Churches. In 1990, it joined the Northwest Mennonite Conference and what became Mennonite Church Alberta in 1996. 

In 1999, the congregation's membership in the MB conference was revoked because it joined the Supportive Congregations Network in 1997. That Network consisted of Mennonite and Church of the Brethren congregations which welcomed and included LGBTQ+ people. 

In 2000, the church took a voluntary five-year leave of absence from what became MC Alberta in order to avoid creating division in that conference. A final separation took place in April 2006. Today the church functions as an independent congregation that is publicly welcoming and affirming of all who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, two-spirited and queer.

Also of note is Westview Christian Fellowship in St. Catharines, Ont. It began as an MB congregation in 1988, but moved to become a member of Mennonite Church Canada in 2017. The move was due to changes in the direction of the congregation, including around LGBTQ+. It is a fully affirming congregation today.

 

 

Speaking personally about LGBTQ+ welcome and affirmation

2026 is the 5th anniversary of when over 450 Canadian MBs signed an open letter asking the Canadian Conference of MB Churches to discuss the issue of LGBTQ+ welcome and affirmation. The Conference said no. Since that time, seven MB congregations have left or been expelled from the Conference for becoming welcoming and affirming of LGBTQ+ people—as reported by this blog. I paused the blog in 2024, after my church at the time, River East, was expelled. Five years later, I decided to check in with those congregations to hear their reflections and see how things are going. 

But before doing that, I thought I might share a bit about my own views on this topic—something I sought to keep out of the blog when I was reporting as a journalist about LGBTQ+ and the MB Conference. I’m sure my personal views were no secret (I was, after all, a member of River East at the time.) Like any good journalist, I tried to keep my those views out of the blog. Now that I am no longer MB, it doesn’t matter; I can be fully “out of the closet" and share about my journey to becoming affirming and welcoming of LGBTQ+ people.

Like many of my generation—I’m a boomer—who grew up in conservative Christianity, I believed homosexuality was a choice and a sin. For most of my life, it wasn’t even on my radar. So how did I end up changing my mind?

It happened the way it does for many people: I got to know LGBTQ+ Christians. Those experiences together helped me see them, and the Bible, in a different way. 

The first experience was in 2009, when my old college roommate sent me a letter to say he was gay—and had just married his partner. 

I had no idea, although people who heard the news said they suspected it all along. My “gaydar” is terrible. 

We lived together for three years and became best friends. But all that time he never told me his big secret. In fact, he told nobody knew it. Not his family, his church, his friends. 

Until he came out in 2005, he kept his secret from everyone—but Jesus. In his journal, parts of which were shared with me after his death from cancer in 2018, he wrote about never feeling at home with others since he couldn’t completely be himself with them.  “I am only myself to you, Lord Jesus,” he wrote. 

While serving as music director at a Baptist church, he wrote he wished he could tell his pastor he is gay. “Lord, I really don't want to burden him,” he wrote, knowing such knowledge would a problem for the pastor and the church. But “shouldn't a pastor know some of his flock are gay, and some of his flock have left because they are gay?” 

Despite his struggles, and his worry about what might happen if his secret was discovered—he would surely lose his job—he never lost his faith. 

“Let us follow this wonderful Jesus, whoever we are regardless of age, colour, beliefs, gender or sexual orientation,” he wrote in his journal. 

The incident that prompted him to come out was when he heard members of his church claim gay marriage needed to be opposed because homosexuals were a danger to children—something he knew wasn’t true. He began to secretly reach out to find other gay Christians and starting attending events for them. That’s where he met his partner. 

When he came out, some welcomed the news; others didn’t. But over time almost everyone came around to love and accept him the way he was—and he grew in his love and accept of himself. 

When I learned about his wedding, I immediately phoned him and gave him heck for not inviting me. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come,” he said. 

That was a blow. Of course I would have come, I said. He went on to explain that his family refused to come—only one sibling attended, and not his parents. My refusing to attend would have only been one more hurt, he explained. 

After that, we connected regularly by e-mail and in person. And at his funeral, I was invited to MC the sharing.

His former partner told me that what sustained my old roommate was “an experience in prayer, a mystical experience, in which he was overwhelmed by the love of God, a blessed assurance that stayed with him throughout all the turmoil.” 

That experience taught me that there are many people who quietly struggle not with who they are—they know—but with letting people like me know. It made me realize I needed to let others know I was a safe person to confide in, to be honest with. 

In his journal, my friend wrote: “Lord Jesus Christ, if you can use what I have suffered by being homosexual for the comfort of others and for your divine presence, please, please do!” 

He certainly used that experience to help me. 

The second experience that changed me was when a young Hutterite came into the life of our family. 

He was a friend of my daughter’s, a student at Canadian Mennonite University. After coming out, he was disowned by his family and colony, told he was going to burn in Hell. 

With nowhere to go, and fearing for his safety, we invited him to live with us for a time. We offered to “adopt” him as one of our own children, in absence of any other parents in his life. 

As we talked, we learned he knew he was gay from the age of 12. 

“Even as a small child I felt different,” he said. “It wasn’t until I reached my teenage years that I started to really understand those differences.” 

At first, he said, he cried and prayed things were different. But when he was about 20, he came to see that this was the way God made him—there was nothing wrong with how he was feeling. 

He stayed in the closet for a long time out of fear of how his family would react, and what people in his close-knit community would say. 

Over time, however, the closet “became an unsafe and toxic place,” he said. “It caused me to suffer from anxiety, depression and self-hate. I knew I needed to get out of the closet in order to prevent further harm.” 

In a letter to his parents about being gay, he thanked them for their love and care when he was a child. 

He concluded by saying: “I don’t know how you will react to this letter, but just know that I love you very much… it is my hope that my honesty about who I am will help bring us closer as a family.” 

His parents wrote back that they were angry and appalled and told him he was no longer welcome in their home—unless he repented and changed. 

He only stayed with us a short time. But the experience never left me; how could parents—Christian parents—act that way towards their own child? That’s surely not the way of Jesus. 

The final experience was an act of repentance and contrition on my part. 

When I was in middle school, there was a boy there named Lawrence. He was different from other boys in the school. He wasn't into sports. He was quiet, soft and gentle. 

So of course we called him “faggot.” 

We really had no idea what the word meant, or what was involved in being one. But we knew it was bad—our parents and churches told us so. And we were sure that Lawrence was one. 

But was he? We didn’t know. But we knew he was different. So we used that word to torment and isolate him, making him feel unwanted and alone. Years later, I could still see him in my mind, walking sadly away from a group of jeering boys. 

After my experiences with my college roommate and Hutterite “son,” I wondered about Lawrence. How was he doing? And what did he think about his life back then? 

Through a mutual friend from those days, I was able to track him down. I said I was sorry for the way we treated him, for the ideas that led to his isolation, for the thoughtlessness we all displayed. That I displayed. 

I told him I am doing everything I can to make sure nobody else goes through what he did—ever again.

Thankfully, Lawrence forgave me. He’s doing fine—and yes, he is LGBTQ+ and happily so. 

There were other experiences: Two lesbian women who began attending my church, a gay colleague at work, my own reading on the subject. And I was moved in 2015 when evangelical leader Tony Campolo came out in support of same-sex marriage and including LGBTQ+ people in the church. 

All those things added up to making me ready to support the same thing in 2019, when River East began its journey of inclusivity. 

There were no big "aha!" moments, no deep theological exploration (although the revelations that the translators of the RSV version of the Bible got it wrong when they erroneously used the word "homosexuality" in 1 Corinthians played a role). It was a transformation the way many people change their minds on this subject: Knowing LGBTQ+ people and realizing the table is big enough for all, that nobody should be excluded.

People like my old roommate, the Hutterian young man, and Lawrence. And anyone else. 

Time to Tell five years after the Open Letter: Where are things at now?

Five years ago, in 2021, over 450 members of the Canadian Conference of Mennonite Brethren Churches from over 40 congregations signed an open letter asking the Conference to hold an open discussion about LGBTQ+ inclusion. The conference refused.

That refusal led that same year to the creation of Time to Listen, an online gathering of Canadian MBs and other who wanted to talk about this topic.

Throughout that year, I wrote 10 articles on the topic for Anabaptist World. This included one about the decision of Artisan Church in Vancouver to withdraw from the conference over its decision to include LGBTQ+ people—the first of eight MB churches to either withdraw or be expelled since 2021.

(For the record, those are Artisan and Cedar Park in B.C.; Southridge and Free Church in Ontario; River East, Jubilee and FaithWorks in Manitoba; and Lendrum in Alberta.)

Since Anabaptist World is primarily an American publication, it couldn’t publish everything I wanted to write on this topic in Canada.

That led me to create this blog, a Time to Tell, in 2022, as a journalistic way to keep the conversation going—something that was necessary since the official publication of the conference, the MB Herald, would not cover it.

From 2022 to early 2024, I wrote 126 articles on the topic on this blog. The goal was to keep Canadian MBs informed—and also to shine a bit of light on something some conference leaders preferred remained dark.

(In that regard, I must have been doing something right; I was prevented from attending two provincial assemblies by conference leaders where LGBTQ+ was discussed. It didn’t work. People who attended furnished me with notes from both meetings.)

It was also to provide a first draft of history, some original source material that could be used by a future researcher who may want to write a book about this period in Canadian MB history.

I paused the blog in 2024 for a couple of reasons. First, I was exhausted by covering this topic. Second, the church I attended at the time (River East) was expelled from the MB Conference—why report about something I wasn’t part of anymore?

But now, five years after that open letter, I decided it was time to follow-up with some of the people I interviewed. I wanted to hear their reflections on that time, and see how they are doing now. Over the next while, I will post those reflections.

And if you have any thoughts on this topic related to the Canadian MB conference, feel free to send them to me at jdl562000@yahoo.com

Photo above from Getty Images.

Update on this blog: Time for a pause

Don’t you hate it when a blog you follow just stops, no explanation? Yeah, me too.

That’s why I am posting this note to say that I am taking a pause from this blog, for a few reasons. (As you may have noticed, the last post was in late January.) 

One reason is, after the flurry of activity related to LGBTQ+ welcome and affirmation between 2021 and early this year, nothing is happening. No more churches are facing expulsion from provincial Mennonite Brethren conferences over that subject. 

There simply isn’t any news to report. 

To be clear, this doesn’t mean the subject has gone away. I am aware of at least three churches in Manitoba that are exploring LGBTQ+ welcome and affirmation. There may be others in other provinces, too. None of them want to talk about it at this time.

Another reason is, now that River East has been expelled from the Mennonite Brethren conference, I am no longer a member of that denomination. There’s no personal reason for me to care about the subject as it relates to CCMBC, no reason for me to want to hold it to account. 

It’s not my denomination, anymore. It can do what it pleases.

A final reason is I’m just tired of it all. Tired of seeing churches that are trying to do good and positive things for marginalized and ostracized people be turned away time and again by provincial conferences that champion rules over compassion and community. Tired of hearing the same old arguments as to why the denomination can’t make room for those who don’t read the Bible the same way they do. 

Just tired. 

Don’t get me wrong. I may be tired, but I believe that Mennonite Brethren in Canada, like most other denominations, will one day accept and affirm LGBTQ+ people as full members of their churches. 

How am I so sure of that? You just have to look at the history of change in the church over things like slavery, divorce and remarriage and women in leadership. Those things were once “plainly” wrong according to the Bible, but no longer are seen that way by all or most Christians. 

I expect full welcome and affirmation of LGBTQ+ people to follow the same path. 

In fact, I can envision a day when a Mennonite Brethren conference leader will stand up and apologize to the LGBTQ+ community for how it treated them and the harm it caused—just as happened in 1986 when the Canadian Mennonite Brethren conference apologized to what was then known as the General Conference of Mennonites for refusing membership to those who were part of that group. 

That day may not come in my lifetime. But when it comes, a book may be written about that change in the Mennonite Brethren denomination. If that happens, perhaps the posts in this blog can help some future researcher with the writing of that book. 

As for this blog itself, maybe there will be a need for it again in the future. Maybe there will be more churches that will face discipline or expulsion for seeking ways to welcome and affirm their LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters. Maybe I will have new energy to report about it then. In the meantime, it’s time for a pause. 

And we all need a pause now and then.

A conflict resolution perspective on the vote to remove River East from Mennonite Brethren Church Manitoba

 

How did the process leading up to the removal of River East from membership in the Mennonite Brethren Church of Manitoba (MBCM) look from a conflict resolution perspective? That was the question on my mind after the denomination removed River East from membership. 

So I asked Janet Schmidt for her view. Janet has been working in the field of conflict resolution and mediation since 1986. She has a Masters of Education Degree (1987) with a focus on organizational behaviour, and a Certificate in Mediation Skills (1996). She regularly works with churches and organizations to help them address conflict and different points of view, and has facilitated conversations about many difficult and contentious issues. 

She is also a member of River East, and was able to see close-up how the process leading to the church’s removal played out. Now that River East is out of the denomination, she feels free to share her thoughts. 

My questions are in bold. 

How did you feel about the process leading up to the removal of River East? 

I was deeply disappointed in how MBCM managed the process. Yes, River East made a decision outside the Confession of Faith when it came to same-sex inclusion. The problem is the history of the Mennonite Brethren denomination shows that is exactly how the COF ends up getting changed. A church starts acting outside the Confession, conversations happen and then changes are made. 

As Jon Isaak, who directs the Centre for Mennonite Brethren Studies in Winnipeg, noted on this blog, Mennonite Brethren have seen many changes to things once considered to be "standard" in the denomination's 162-year-old history—things such as accepting modes of baptism other than immersion; allowing those who weren't baptized to participate in communion; enabling women to be involved in leadership; and not speaking against cremation. 

When it comes to the Confession of Faith, there have been two changes since 1999. In 2014, the American Mennonite Brethren church decided to change Article 13, the one on love and non-resistance, to say now that “historically” many Mennonite Brethren have chosen to do alternative service in times of war; non-resistance is no longer the default expectation. And in 2021, the Canadian church decided to change Article 8, the one on baptism, softening the covenantal language with the church but keeping all the rest. 

As Isaak put it, “the evidence for changes over time is clear. This should not surprise us. Usually, there are some social or cultural realities that eventually convince the majority of Mennonite Brethren on whatever topic that a change is needed.” 

In other words, is the Confession prescriptive of the way things always have to be or descriptive of how they are at this moment in time when an article was written? For some reason, on this issue the Conference is treating it as the former.

Why does that disappoint you from a conflict resolution point of view? 

It disappointed me because the subject of the Confession—which was at the heart of the conflict—was never allowed on the table. The idea of changing the Confession to reflect the new reality on the ground for the six churches in B.C., Manitoba and Ontario that have been removed from membership was never permitted. That discussion could not be had. All that was said was “the Confession says no” so the discussion was ended. The two study conferences in the past were more teaching events than study events where true exploration was not permitted.  That is no way to deal with a conflict. 

What about the process itself—any thoughts about that? 

My concerns with the process was that efforts to engage in meaningful dialogue were not permitted. We knew the church was out of line with the Confession. But we also said River East did not want to leave the Conference. 

There was never any serious conversation about making space for River East in the Conference. River East asked the MBCM Board to consider the Borderland proposal, where we offered to sit on the edge for five years while a conversation took place. The MBCM board rejected this proposal. 

The first rule of resolving a conflict is there must be dialogue. The Anabaptist way is to talk, to dialogue, to hear each other, to respect differences. We asked for this multiple times and such a conversation was not organized. 

A quick aside: I’m not talking about leaders from River East and from MBCM having a coffee to stay in touch and keep each other informed. That’s good. But it doesn’t replace a full and open conversation among members of the church and the Conference, gathering together, where all can have their say and hear each other. 

But the church did hold two open meetings where it shared it story, right? 

Yes, we did. But we did that on our own because there was no other way for River East to share our story. We built these events based on what other conference members were asking us individual. For our first event, sharing about our journey, we asked MBCM to share the notice with their pastors requesting that they share the information with their community.  This was granted, although we don’t know many pastors shared it with their congregations. 

For our second event, where we shared about the biblical and theological foundations for inclusion, we asked MBCM to again share the invitation with the pastors and the pastors to share it with their church communities. They refused. 

One of my concerns about that, from a conflict resolution perspective, is about gatekeeping. MBCM prevented people from hearing about our convictions. Delegates (we are not sure how many) went into that meeting on January 20 not knowing what we thought or the work we had done to arrive at our conclusions. 

In fact, the only thing MBCM included in the package to delegates was our Talking Points Document, not links to our two events on November 26 and January 14. The Talking Points document was created for our members as a way to help them have conversations with their family and friends, not a coherent rationale about who we are and what we thought. In, addition they included their rebuttal to our talking points document criticizing on gaps that it was never intended to fill.  

It all makes me curious to know how many delegates knew our story, not just what pastors and others had told them or what MBCM leaders had shared with them. We have heard many things about what we did and why we did it that could not be further from the truth. When you don’t allow people to hear directly from people, it becomes a fertile ground of rumours and innuendos.  

I suspect most delegates voted based on what they were told, not on their own informed belief. If delegates still voted to remove River East after attending or watching our two events, and having had a conversation with us, fair game. But not having those opportunities is not OK from a conflict resolution perspective. And it is a travesty of the way Anabaptists are supposed to engage each other. Many churches make decisions this way that are hierarchical in structure; but that is losing our Anabaptist distinctive. 

It all makes me wonder: What was MBCM so afraid of? Why did they have to keep that information from delegates? That’s a question only they can answer. 

What did you think of the resolution itself? 

As written, the resolution did not allow for conversation around the point of difference on the matter of inclusion. In addition, the conference floor is not the place to have dialogue. The most that you get is people exchanging different points of view. That is not dialogue. In addition, River East guests (no longer delegates) and could only speak if permission was granted.  

I am not saying this question didn’t need to come to the larger community at some point. I am simply saying from a conflict resolution lens it needed to happen after there was actual dialogue.  

Any final thoughts? 

I don’t think the vote reflects the feelings of people in the pews. Some delegates were told to come and vote not as individuals, but as representing what their church councils and leaders had decided. At least one church did not select delegates who disagreed with REC being voted out. If that’s the case, people from these congregations should be outraged. 

I’ll admit the way River East engaged in the process wasn’t perfect, either. Our pastors and members had many conversations with people who reached out to us. This took a lot of time in addition to being the church in our community. There just wasn’t enough time to pursue every request. That is why larger group processes are so important.  

What happened was s not the way to do good conflict resolution, and it’s not the Anabaptist way. The Anabaptist way is to talk, wrestle, debate and struggle with issues. To hear each other. I’m very disappointed with how things transpired. 

My final thought is this. MBCM played their hand well, given their goal was to have River East removed (what we call win/lose paradigm). They designed a process, shared information and made a resolution that was bound to have them win. But at what cost? 

Processes that silence voices, that force people to vote with inaccurate or limited information do not bring health to institutions. The unintended consequences of this and other events like this will not bring life and vibrancy to the Mennonite Brethren Conference in the long run. And this just makes me sad, that the conference that I have lived my entire life in would act in this way. 

I would invite every person at the conference who voted for the resolution to at least watch our two taped events “Our Journey Towards Inclusion” and “Our Theological Story of Inclusion” found on the REC’s website at https://rivereastchurch.ca/sermons-category/our-journey-towards-inclusion. I believe REC deserves this act of respect.