By Janessa Nayler-Giesbrecht
The letter was composed as I lay sleepless at night, thinking
of my apprehension about the upcoming Mennonite Brethren Church of Manitoba (MBCM)
assembly where delegates will vote on whether or not to remove Jubilee
Mennonite Church from Conference membership over its decision to welcome,
include and affirm LGBTQ+ people and same-sex marriage.
The apprehension has shifted from the vote about Jubilee to
the defensive posture I have sensed us all growing in over my time as a pastor
in MBCM. I couldn’t help but reflect on the marriage advice analogy; without
that intentionality in assuming the best while acting our best we don’t stand a
chance at unity. How can we overcome any difficulty if we are constantly trying
to protect ourselves from each other?
The most difficult part of this, which was hard to nuance in
the letter itself, is that too often it’s those who are NOT holding seats of
power who will try to close the gap, while those who do hold power will not.
And when that happens there is abuse. And then rinse and repeat the cycle as
more hurt comes forward.
This letter was me daring to imagine a world where we could mutually care for each other and turn to each other in hope.
To my Mennonite Brethren family,
I am worried about us. In a big way.
When I do premarital counselling with couples, I am
known to give the following advice: "assume the best of one another, and
always be someone the other can assume the best of."
By this, I mean that at our BEST in a relationship, we expect that the other is working with us, acting in love and integrity; and to make that true, we in turn must consciously embody that.
When both of these things are being actively lived out, there will be a beautiful unity that can sustain all the ups and downs life can offer. This is true of all of our meaningful relationships in life.
However, when that is not lived out—when we cease thinking the best of one another's intentions—we begin to build walls and guards to protect ourselves from the other. We try to gain leverage for ourselves to make sure we are protected, leaving our commitment to the relationship to suffer.
The longer we do this, the more distance exists between us. The more distance between us, the harder it is to return to that place of mutuality that is essential to the thriving of any relationship.
Perhaps you see where I might be going with this, but if you do not here it is: it does not take much of a leap for us to see that we are a Conference living in that second scenario.
I have been a part of you since middle school, and I have been a pastor with you for a decade. And if I reflect on the state of our relationships over that time, I sense the widening gap between us. Not just as an outside observer, but as one who also feels it deeply.
The reasons and motivations are complex and plentiful, of course. I don't actually know a specific fix for it, but naming it feels important. Naming it feels like it can give us a chance to stop walking in opposite directions, turn around, and take steps to close the gap again.
In Manitoba, specifically, we have a big meeting coming up. And there's lots to say (and lots that will be said) about that. But before that, can we name this thing? This mistrust that has seeped into who we are? There is no instant fix for it, it always takes time to repair. But we have to start somewhere, somehow. And I want that for us.
When Jesus prayed for his disciples, he prayed that we would be one as the trinity is one. When Paul prayed for the church, he begged for us to keep the unity. May the Spirit be with us and help us find a way.
Janessa Nayler-Giesbrecht is a pastor at Fort Garry Mennonite Brethren Church in Winnipeg. She posted this letter to the Herald, MBCM and the Canadian Conference of Mennonite Brethren Churches on Twitter.
At the end of the day, this is about belonging. The MB conference and Dave Ens are clearly saying, “if you think this way, you don’t belong.”
ReplyDeleteIt’s time for the inclusive folks to leave the MB conference. Walk away.