In 2021, John Unger, a retired Mennonite Brethren pastor in Winnipeg, spoke to Canadian Conference of Mennonite Brethren Churches (CCMBC) leaders about what he believed was the need for more conversation about LGBTQ+ in the denomination.
He shared those remarks with Anabaptist World, which published them in an article titled Maybe I could sit in the back row.
In his remarks to CCMBC leaders, he told the story of two men who had coffee with a Mennonite Brethren pastor after visiting his church for several weeks.
“We’d like to come to your church,” they said, noting they were gay and living together. “We are not crusaders. We don’t want to cause problems. We just want to worship with the music and listen to the sermon. Is your church safe for us?”
A month ago, those two men learned about the article. They were surprised to see they were “reading about ourselves" in that paragraph.
They were the ones who visited that Mennonite Brethren pastor. In an e-mail, they told me about that meeting, which took place in 2004.
Requesting anonymity, the two—long-time committed partners, now both over the age of 60—explained all they wanted to know was if they were welcome to worship at that church.
“Our hope was that we could worship just like everyone else attending the church,” they said, noting one of them, who had a musical background, was interested in using his gifts to serve the church.
“We were not there to be crusaders. Worshipping God and growing our faith was our sole desire,” they added.
Sadly, “the pastor was clear that this would not be possible at this church due to our sexual orientation and his church’s position on this issue,” they told me.
They were disappointed by that answer.
“The Bible teaches us not to judge others, but it felt very much like that was exactly what was happening,” they told me. “We were being judged and deemed to be found unworthy of worshipping God in His house.”
They did not return to that church since it was clear that denomination “was not welcoming or accepting of us.”
Intrigued, I asked them for more information. In subsequent e-mails, they shared more about their lives.
One of the two grew up in a Mennonite Brethren church, the other came from a United Church background.
For the one who who grew up Mennonite Brethren, “growing up being a Christian was simple. My upbringing was molded by the strict, religious beliefs held by my parents as to what it meant to be a Christian. Views that they accepted as biblical truths taught to them from pulpit leadership in their day.”
He came to believe “I was a sinner and separated from God, but that I could receive salvation in Christ through repentance and faith. This would mean turning away from sinful ways and trusting in Christ. Sins would be forgiven through the cross and my feet would be set on a path to life with Christ; saved, baptised, and heaven-bound.”
Much, he said, has happened since those growing-up years on the farm.
“Living a real life was not my reality for very many years of my life. I was drawn to men already from a very early age, in a secret relationship during the majority of my teenage years with a young man in his 20s and friend of the family.”
His secret same-sex interest “steadily plummeted my life into a downward, destructive spiral year after year,” he said.
Opening up his life to a Christian friend or pastor was not an option.
“The trust to do so was not there. I had become a sex addict with no hope but knowing deep down in my heart that something had to break. My life had become a façade that I was fearful to give up. At the same time, a huge part of me was aching to be free of the ‘you’re going to hell if you don’t change your lifestyle’ chains.”
The day came when the chains did break, he said, “and only through the faithful love of God that never ends.”
Today, he said, “my life has been restored and my heart is at peace more than it ever has been. In Joel 2:25 the Lord says, ‘And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten’.”
Today he is grateful to God and to a small number of Christian and non-Christian friends “who journeyed with me through a most difficult period of my life and have continued with offered support and friendship to this day.”
This May, the couple will celebrate 19 years as gay partners.
“As our relationship continues to stay true to a monogamous commitment, we also continue to be committed to Jesus as our Lord and Saviour and growing our relationship with Christ. For us, this growth continues to happen through life’s situations,” they said.
Today they attend a welcoming and affirming United Church.
“The Bible tells us we need to attend church so we can worship God with other believers and be taught His Word for our spiritual growth,” they said. “We are doing this and with happy hearts knowing we can both worship and actively participate in a safe, accepting and welcoming church.”
In addition to church attendance, the musical member of the couple has been able to establish and direct two adult community choirs, both of which ran for several years.
“As a recently retired director, concerts gave me to opportunity to perform a wide range of repertoire with many a concert program including a good number of sacred songs—music that glorifies Christ with its depth of meaning and purpose,” he said.
In addition to going to church, they have early morning devotional reading time. “We frequently find ourselves in some good discussion following the daily devotional reading from Our Daily Bread Ministries,” they said.
“This not only is a great way to start the day but also, as their motto states, ‘Helping you connect with God. Every day. Every way.’ Important to us is take the time to learn more about God to help us deepen your relationship with him.”
Both are currently retired. "The blessings we continue to enjoy are the friendships established, and friendships held to this day. It has been said that good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Having genuine friends who do not label or judge our orientation means a lot to us.”
“It is good to read that the Mennonite Brethren conference is now beginning to address this issue,” they said. “It is our sincere hope that maybe someday all of God’s children will be welcomed to worship within all Mennonite Brethren churches as part of a caring, inclusive church family.”
In conclusion, they
wrote, “we wish to be seen as just a normal couple who just happen to be gay.
Being gay does not define us as to who we are, nor should it. We would much
rather be seen as any other individuals trying to live a Godly life.”
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