"I felt I have not been heard:" Lee Kosa, former pastor at Cedar Park Church, on why he wrote a raw and honest blog post about his conflict with the British Columbia MB Conference

 

Earlier this month, Lee Kosa, former pastor at Cedar Park Church in B.C., wrote a frank, raw and honest blog post about the events that led to him resigning his position at that church.

Titled "On Conflict, Pain & Composting: Reflections on the Worst Church Year of my Life," it reveals the personal and professional cost of how he was treated by the British Columbia Mennonite Brethren Conference when the church he led decided it would like to explore the topic of LGBT+ acceptance and welcome. 

It delves into the mental and emotional cost of that conflict, including thoughts of suicide.

In the post he writes about how it felt to be called a “false teacher,” to be the subject of a secret investigation by BCMB into his ministry, and having his credentials for ministry taken away by the conference, among other things. 

After reading the post, I sent him aa few questions. I wondered: Why did he write it? What did he hope people would take away from it? And what message does he have for conference leaders? Find that conversation below. 

Why did you write the post?

As I’ve shared my story of church pain over the past year, I’ve noticed a few things. It’s exhausting for me to verbalize these events and it often activates my nervous system. People recognize the traumatic nature of the experience, and sometimes confess that they too have had traumatic church experiences.

I shared my story so I don’t have to retell it over and over and so that those who have been through spiritual trauma might know that they are not alone. 

As I’ve worked with a trauma-informed Spiritual Director, I’ve learned that instances of trauma involve a loss of agency. Sharing my story in an honest and artful way is a way for me to exercise my agency again.

Also, throughout my conflict with the BCMB, I have felt that I have not been heard. Emails I’ve written have been ignored, my disclosure of the harm I was experiencing was largely ignored, boundaries Cedar Park tried to set in order to rebuild a respectful and trusting relationship with the Conference were not heeded, and the Conference did not seem to share my appetite for rigorous and nuanced dialogue about hermeneutics and ecclesiology.

Sharing my story is an attempt to meet my human need to be heard. 

What are you hoping readers will take away from it?

I’m hoping readers will be open to confronting the inconvenient truth that churches and denominations are often places of spiritual trauma and this is not ok.

The church should be a sanctuary where the hurting find shelter under the consoling wings of God and in the compassionate embrace of God’s people. 

What message do you have for BCMB? (Or the Canadian Conference of Mennonite Brethren Churches?) 

A message that I have repeated to many BCMB and CCMBC leaders is this: When the stakes of theological alignment and confessional fidelity are freighted with such weight (e.g., one’s job, community, people’s eternal destiny, one’s mental health) then conference processes should be carried out with a rigour that matches the intensity of the consequences.

This is not work one does off the side of their desk. It is irresponsible, dangerous, and exhibits a sinful lack of human concern to police certain confessional convictions without robust review and conflict resolution policies in place. 

Do you think it is time for more churches and individual MBs to be like you and CPC and leave the conference over the topic of LGBTQ+?

This may be a matter of personal conscience and discernment. However, such personal discernment must be done while taking an unflinching look at the past and current harm that the aggressive policing of particular confessional convictions causes.

There is an unfairness inherent in the inconsistency with which the Conference demands rigid allegiance to certain convictions while allowing others to be completely ignored or even contradicted in practice.

As I wrote in the post: “If you are connected to a church conference or denomination through employment, membership, participation, or financial giving and you know about misuse/abuse of power, structural issues that leave people vulnerable, and a lack of accountability that enables leaders to act with impunity, and you remain within the denomination/institution while you have the power to advocate for reform/healing justice, and yet you do not, then perhaps you are complicit in an unsafe system that perpetuates harm in the name of Jesus.”

For some, the cost of leaving is high. I know this too well. However, the life and call of Jesus demonstrates the way to God’s shalom often involves costly faithfulness.