When U.S. & Canadian MB conferences censored Mary Anne Isaak, "they silenced me, too" says Michelle Morrow, whose story was in the missing pages

“When the Canadian and U.S. Mennonite Brethren conferences censored Mary Anne Isaak’s story in the book On Holy Ground, they silenced me, too.” 

That’s the view of Michelle Morrow, whose story about wrestling with her sexuality and coming out as LGBTQ+ was told by Isaak in the missing pages from the book about the challenges facing women in ministry in that denomination.

In those pages, Isaak spoke appreciatively of how she came to know Morrow—then known as Michelle Ferguson—at College Community Church (now Willow Avenue) in Fresno, CA and how that friendship influenced her view of LGBTQ+ and faith.

Morrow first met Isaak at an event to discuss issues of sexuality. At that time, Morrow’s personal experience and theology were deeply shaped by the ex-gay movement.

She had even spent time after graduating college at Fresno Pacific University working for Exodus International, a leading ex-gay ministry organization (now closed).

After completing a MA in Theology at Fuller Theological Seminary, Morrow returned to Fresno to teach at FPU as adjunct faculty. She decided to join College Community largely due to her relationship with Isaak.

“Mary Anne invited me to preach, and I was surprised because of my previous experiences in MB churches where I was silenced and/or discouraged from leadership,” she said.

“I felt so affirmed by her invitation and the response I received after preaching that I knew I wanted to be part of this community.”

Morrow became a member and, for the next few years, taught at FPU, served on the staff at MB Biblical Seminary. She actively participated in the life and leadership of the church.

Looking back, Morrow realizes that she was repressing her sexuality and avoiding further theological development in order to maintain her place in the MB family.

“I did not know then that I was choosing my place in the denomination over my authenticity and wholeness,” she said.

“Now I see that my desire to belong kept me from being able to tell the truth about myself even to myself.”

In 2010, when MBBS merged with FPU, Morrow was among the many staff who were laid off.

During that tumultuous time, she reached a point where she could no longer avoid her sexuality, and she spent the next two years re-examining her interpretation of the bible and wrestling with her theology.

“My focus during that time was theological work. I was finally able to be honest with myself about being gay, so I turned to the biblical text seeking a faithful response to my reality.”

She was terrified, afraid of loss and rejection.

“I knew that if I came out and became affirming, everything would change. I knew there would be considerable risks,” she said.

In 2013 she reached a place of reconciling her faith and sexuality. She came out, experiencing deep loss. This included significant relationships and the long-time dream of ever being able to work or teach at FPU again.

Later that year, Morrow met Kim, and they married in 2015 a few months after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality. They currently live near Nashville, TN.

Watching the controversy over the book from afar, Morrow said she is experiencing further silencing and exclusion at the hands of a denomination that has already caused so much suffering in her life.

“When Mary Anne asked if she could use my story in the book, I was honored. It was redemptive to hear that my story was valued,” she said.

Being deleted from Isaak’s story, however, sends the opposite message.

“This exclusion makes me and other queer people invisible,” she said. “Church and denominational leadership see us, our stories, our relationships, our theological journeys, as threats.”

While she applauds those who attended picnic protests about the censoring of the book, she hopes they won’t stop there.

“We have the ability to create change, especially if we understand how all practices of exclusion are connected and we work collaboratively to address misuse of power wherever it occurs,” she said, adding “LGBTQ+ exclusion is linked with the marginalization and exclusion of women, in ministry or otherwise. Our experiences are different, but they are related.”

By talking to a reporter, Morrow wanted to shine a light on the stories behind the stories—in this case her story, since it was also erased when Isaak’s was censored.

“This is happening all the time to many marginalized groups,” she said. “We don’t have to compete with each other for outrage or acceptance. We need to collaborate if we want to create real change.”

For her, if change is going to happen it will be a grassroots thing—like the picnics.

“It will not be top down. People can’t wait for permission. I hope this (the removal of the pages from the book) will be a catalyst for change, a spark,” she said.

Morrow works for LGBTQ inclusion in Christian spaces as an educator and consultant. To learn more about her, her work or to read her blog, you can visit https://michellefmorrow.com.